Show & Tell Week #2

     Week #2 is here!  (A few days late but here….).  Hope you enjoy these examples of Show vs. Tell…Thanks to all the writers who submitted this week….they are truly an amazing group that I am very fond of…Enjoy…
C.A. Marshall – @CA_Marshall

     Though the way was dark and forboding, Charissa knew it was worth it to get to that little grotto where all her secrets were kept.

     As Charissa approached the edge of the daisy filled meadow, she hesitated. A cold wind whipped her skirt around her knees and her shoulders tensed at the sight of the forest where the beasts roamed.
     It’s just a short walk, she thought to herself. Ten seconds at most. She could just see the ivy-covered entrance, it’s golden bricks shining like a lighthouse.
    She gripped the small parcel in her right hand and took the first step.
   “Ten seconds, my love, I’m coming,” she whispered.

A Note From C.A.:  Read JK Rowling’s Harry Potter series for good examples of how to balance showing and telling.

Mark Souza – @souzawrites
     Slevenorth stole the girl’s body when she answered his Craig’s List help wanted ad.

     Slevenorth reveled at new sensations; a warm sun that didn’t scald, the scent of flowers on the breeze rich enough to almost taste, the delicate touch of daisies, binocular vision that made the world so much bigger. Slevenorth spun to look back of the dank cabin nestled in the shadows of the wood. It was the past. A new world awaited now. He wondered how it was possible that someone would travel to such a remote location for employment. It didn’t really mater. Praise be to the Craig’s List help wanted ads. He had the girl’s body now and that was all that mattered. He would have to rate the transaction five stars.

Michelle Shaw – @veertothewrite
     She saw the opening mere steps away and felt afraid. Though she knew he waited inside, danger lurked in the space separating them.

     Wild daisies tickled her ankles with each stride toward the stone path. Fifteen steps into the mist meant safety in his arms. Ancient trees stood to the sides, humming with secrets, blowing screams through their gnarled branches—a canopy snaked together, ready to slither down and swallow her. She hesitated, inhaling sweet honeysuckle to calm her shaking limbs.

Hallie Sawyer – @Hallie_Sawyer
     Maggie looked ahead as she walked through the endless meadow of flowers, seeing the forest opening grow closer. The entrance to the woods was dark and dreary, not at all what she thought it would look like as she had started her walk in its direction.
     At the opening, she could see light shining on what looked like a cave. She had been overwhelmed back at the house, a first for her, and she escaped to the outdoors as fast as she could. The cave was inviting and perhaps she could find solace there.

     Her ankles tickled as she strode through the sea of wildflowers, sending many dainty wings fluttering in her wake. The oasis of trees she had seen in the distance faded as she approached its entrance.
     What loomed in front of her now was a twisted mass of tree limbs and roots that reached towards the heavens as well as the depths of the earth. She had never wandered this far from the main house before. The house had always been enough during her visits but today it had been too much. Too many people were there, wanting to congratulate her, offering unsolicited hugs and pats on the back. She had escaped as fast as she could.
     The rocky path at the forest entrance beckoned her to the forest’s shadowy depths. Her skin rippled with goosebumps as its coolness reached her. She could see a lonely streak of sunlight somehow breaking through the forest’s thick canopy, revealing to her a vine-covered rocky crevice, just wide enough for her to enter.
     Perhaps it could offer the solace she had been looking for.

Julie Lindsey – @JulieALindsey
     The darkness came, covering and changing everything, and I worried that I was next. I didn’t want to go back.

     The darkness came, dark and sinister, swallowing and gnarling everything in its path. My eyes stung with tragedy and bitterness. I wasn’t ready to go back. I’d only just begun to live.

Charissa Weaks – @charissaweaks
     They watched her turn toward the sunlit cave, knowing how tempting it would be for her to look for him there.  A great wind blew and rustled her skirt as she began to understand that this was a trap.

     She turned as the echo of a soft wind funneled through the twisted trees behind her.  The clouds rolled past and the sun broke through, illuminating the entrance of a cave that, moments before, lay hidden in the distance.
     The wind blew again, harder this time, as if it were some great breath blowing from the mouth of the cave itself, and she made the first step toward the stone path. 
     He was here.  She could feel it in her bones, but she knew he was not alone. 
     The howl of the wind lingered in the forest like the sighs of a thousand demons and her eyes scoured the mass of branches to see if she could see them lurking and waiting for her entrance, but they were invisible in the gnarled wood.  They needed the darkness, it was their refuge, and this was a trap.  This she knew.  But she had to save him.
     Leave us a comment or your own example!!!!  Thanks!!!


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1 Comment

  1. I think it was Show vs Tell day yesterday in my Blogroll:) Someone mentioned your blog in the comments on one and I came to check this out. Of everything I read yesterday, this was by far the most helpful! I've been struggling with this for some time – not really understanding it – but all of these examples I've seen were eye opening for me. Last night I turned a ho-hum scene into something that was actually interesting! Thanks a lot!