PWWD Part 2

I did not write today.  Well…nothing but this blog post at least.

I did read however, and I managed to jot down a few ideas that trickled through the distractions littering my brain.

And…I philosophied a bit. (A dangerous but common practice for people of randomness).

Did I have an epiphany?  No.  Did I force myself to see one of my weaknesses?  Yes.

And it sucked. 

This is what I concluded about my recent struggle with PWWD (Pretty Weather Writing Disorder).

I am allowing distraction because I am at an utter loss with my WIP.

There.  I said it.  And yes…it hurt.

Failure is not something I accept well, and unfortunately for me, I am an all or none person.  I’m either giving 150% or 0%.  And…even worse…I see minor setbacks as failure…thus I revert toward that 0% mark…which is what has been happening lately.

I avoid what I have to do because I am not certain what “what I have to do” is.

This has to change for me to successfully complete this novel and I know it and again…it sucks.

Because I don’t know if I can do it.

I like challenges…I love competition against another person or entity…but competition with myself?  Against my own weaknesses and vulnerabilities?  Against my own doubts?

This is where I don’t do so good.

I worry that no matter how many times I rewrite or revise, my own work will never be good enough to ME.

I AM MY OWN WORST CRITIC.

I second guess every decision…and when every letter and every space in a 90,000 word novel is a decision, that can be trying…to say the very least.

I decided to blog about it because this blog is therapeutic for me…it’s a place to think out loud…a necessity for me because I need the accountability that comes with telling the world what is happening on my journey.

And unfortunately…I’ve hit a bump in the road.

But…I don’t plan on giving up.  I may be delayed right now, the path may not be clear, but I’m not turning around and giving up.  I will trudge forward…it may be slow…it may be painful…but I have to do this for me.

My philosophying also led me to this revelation…

Writers:  We are not at war with words, but with ourselves.  Self-doubt is an evil thing that can crawl inside your heart and rob you of a dream.  Don’t give in.

XOXO…
Charissa

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